10 Hysterical Burns by the Golden Girls
Ah, the Golden Girls. The iconic television show that assured women that life in the later years
can still be a whole lot of fun. This hilarious sitcom boasted a solid seven-season run from 1985
to 1992 and it won a multitude of accolades, including over 60 Emmy nominations, of which it
earned 11. The show is also only one of three in television history in which all the principal
actors have each won an Emmy of their own. According to the Nielsen ratings, its first six
seasons all ranked within the Top 10 of their respective years.
With the unveiling at San Diego Comic Con last month of NECA’s 8-inch figures of the four
legendary women (the set is due to go on sale early 2019), we at Panda Pony Toys wanted to
honor them with a list featuring ten of the best burns these witty women delivered. This is by no
means a comprehensive list as their zingers are too good and too numerous to compile.
However, the following stand out as some of the most savage. Get your cheesecake ready and
a comfy seat as there’s much shade to be enjoyed!
“The Flu,” Season 1, Episode 21.
When the four women are preparing to attend a Volunteer of the Year awards ceremony, Rose
is the first to show symptoms of coming down with something. She expresses her worry about
getting her roommates sick to which Blanche confidently assures Rose that she won’t become ill
due to taking great care of herself. Of course, Sophia puts the exclamation point on the matter,
driving the audience into gales of laughter.
“Scared Straight,” Season 4, Episode 9.
In this episode, Rose is dealt an emotional blow by Blanche who lashes out at her for
supposedly sleeping with her brother, Clayton. Unbeknownst to his sister, Clayton is actually
gay and, in a moment of weakness, concocts the lie in order to avoid coming out. Afterwards, he
apologizes to Rose for what he said and finally reveals the truth to Blanche. After a heartfelt talk
between siblings, Blanche plans a celebratory dinner for Clayton to which Rose bitterly declines
and goes to the kitchen in a huff. The making up that follows starts out hilariously rough, but the
two friends are able to successfully smooth things over.
“Ladies of the Evening,” Season 2, Episode 2.
Burt Reynolds has come to Miami to appear at an after-party following the premiere of his
newest film. Tickets to both the viewing as well as the party were raffled off and Blanche won,
allowing her, Dorothy, and Rose access. As the house has to be fumigated, they decide to
create an enjoyable weekend out of it all by staying at a hotel. Unfortunately, the venue they
chose is often frequented by prostitutes and thus the three are arrested in a police raid. Their
one phone call was made to Sophia to bail them out. When she arrives, she exclaims her
disbelief for the reason they were locked up and we can’t help but cackle.
“My Father, My Brother,” Season 3, Episode 17.
In this episode of Season 3, Sophia’s brother Angelo, who is a priest, comes to visit from Sicily.
She invites Dorothy’s ex-husband, Stan, over with the intention of having them pretend that they
are still married. The already uncomfortable situation is magnified by an impending hurricane,
trapping everyone in the house for days. When they are forced to sleep in the same bed, the
bitter divorcees soon start arguing, culminating in Dorothy consigning Stan to the floor. He
makes a boastful statement about how he never has to beg a woman into his bed and Dorothy
is quick to put him in his place.
“Snap Out of It,” Season 6, Episode 4.
Feeling depressed about her upcoming birthday, Blanche looks to Sophia for comfort. However,
Sophia is unable to resist getting in a few digs about her friend’s age, so she lands one zinger
after another. Finally sensing the futility of her request, Blanche claps back with a retort that
made us all scream with glee.
“Larceny and Old Lace,” Season 3, Episode 21.
In the first couple of moments of the episode, Dorothy comes home from the beauty parlor much
earlier than expected. While her simple explanation would have sufficed for any other person,
Sophia isn’t having it and has to add her two cents to it.
“Sophia’s Wedding, Part 1,” Season 4, Episode 6.
Rose and Blanche have just concluded a meeting of the Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Love Fan Club,
their unauthorized Elvis Presley fan organization. As they’re cleaning up, Blanche asks a
simple, general question and Rose’s response marks one of those precious moments in which
she lands a zinger in the most unassuming way possible.
“And Ma Makes Three,” Season 3, Episode 20.
Rose and Blanche are competing for the position of fashion show chairman of The Tinkerbells.
One night, Dorothy has a date with her boyfriend, Raymond, and she asks them which would go
better with her outfit: a long, silver chain or a string of pearls. Rose and Blanche offer their
critiques in order to outdo each other on fashion expertise and this exchange between the two
women is made all the more hysterical as they keep referring to Dorothy as if she’s not present.
Their observations are savagely matter-of-fact.
“Yes, We Have No Havanas,” Season 4, Episode 1.
In this episode, Blanche and Sophia are competing for the affections of Cuban tobacco mogul,
Fidel Santiago. Despite the age difference between the two women, they are equally matched in
ferocious jealousy. When these two fiesty ladies go toe-to-toe with one another, it can get
“The Case of the Libertine Belle,” Season 7, Episode 2.
One of the best burns delivered in the entirety of the series can be found in this episode in
which Blanche has set up the staff of the museum she works for to take part in a weekend-long
murder mystery. In order to secure enough people for the group rate at the hotel hosting the
event, she asks the other girls to join her. During the initial dinner, Blanche notices Kendall
Nesbit, the director of acquisitions at the museum, has seated himself at a table with a woman
who’s competing against her to possibly be his assistant. Blanche keenly watches the
interaction and comments on the shameful way her rival is flirting with the director despite
having done the same thing moments before. When Rose calls her out on her hypocrisy, the
southern spitfire rationalizes why her flirtations were different. Dorothy, with tea cup in hand,
delivers the slam-dunk retort that settles things.